13ft Deep Thoughts

Just because this is scrumptious.

2012-02-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

if love is blind, why do I see you so clearly now?

2012-02-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

To tell you the truth, I'm getting a little sick of reading poems and interpreting them technically. Maybe I shouldn't be an English major? I have no idea. Speech therapy is hanging out in the back on my mind recently, who knows why, really. I'm getting a little over my head in classes; I'm on my tiptoes jumping every so often to get a little bit of oxygen.

Time for a YAY list!

Skylar and his African stud power.
Mike and his Texan stud power.
Eating frozen yogurt and chatting with Chris. What an encouraging aura!
Malissa Snow. (Just for being adorable.)
Tikla and Austin. (Just for being awesome and owning a yellow truck.)
Institute choir!
The Pearl of Great Price!
Busy, full, happy, learning-rich days!
Murph, Jago, and Slim, for being, even from a distance, the best friends EVER!
Sis. Weaver calling me her cousin today. Haha!
The Muppets!
Good grades, I think!
Nerts with Andrew. (Just for keeping me sane.)
Gwams and Hempa and Chester and the child-like spirit in our home!
New wood flooring coming soon!
The guy who's stitching up my guitar as I type. <3
Karin Stewart for having the best stories and laugh!
My photography lovin' mom and bird lovin' dad
and their love for each other. :)
My little giggle-fest with Starr!
More than enough. :)
Mike and his Texan stud power.
Skylar and his African stud power.

We're gonna make it now

2012-01-30T21:25:00.001-08:00

I keep holding out for what I don't know

2012-01-28T18:19:00.000-08:00

And I can't imagine two worlds spinning apart,
Come together eventually
And when we finally meet I'll know it's right
I'll be at the end of my restless road
But this journey, it was worth the fight
To be with you

And when you're standing here in front of me
That's when I know that God does exist
cuz he will have answered every single prayer
To be with you
Just to be with you.

Mr. Darcy

2012-01-23T19:02:00.000-08:00

"I believe you thought her rather pretty at one time.''
"Yes,'' replied Darcy, who could contain himself no longer, "but that was only when I first knew her, for it is many months since I have considered her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance.''
:)

Guilty pleasure: Westlife

2012-01-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the memories
we haven't made yet.
You've always been a part of me
even before we met.

Thank you in advance for the love you give me
I've had a glance of the good life
You'll be there when nobody believes me
I've gone through it all in my mind
I can see me looking at you
At the start of the day for all my life

Thank you for the best times,
thank you for the journey.

...try to grow as much as he will while he is gone.

2012-01-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

Skylar is the coolest person in the world.
The End.

Tubing with a Snowish kind of man

2012-01-03T16:10:00.000-08:00

Ster the Goob

Hi Mike.

Hi Tori.

Haha, I like this one.

Wha?

Look at that face. :)

It's the voice that whispers my name, it's the kiss without any shame; something beautiful.

2011-12-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

What an awesome break it's been! I have done nothing. Just smiled a lot. Like right now. There's this weird smile that I can't seem to get rid of. The more I think about it, the bigger it gets. I kind of like this smile. My heart is pretty happy right now. It was so awesome to hear from Skylar on Christmas! What an incredible spirit he has. I love him so much. His example is stellar and hearing his voice was scrumptious. ;) I can't wait to see Skylar again. I feel overwhelmed with the blessings I've been given. It's too much happiness to bear. :) I could thank my Heavenly Father all day and still never finish expressing how I feel. I love His presence in my life and appreciate all the little things that make up my ear-to-ear grin. :D I'm pretty sure this was the best Boxing Day/December 26th ever.

Mike's getting his cute little wisdom teeth out tomorrow.
Do you think he'll still be wiser than me?

;)

Night!

Love, love, love this book.

2011-12-05T19:00:00.000-08:00

I am so in love with life right now!

Thought I'd spread the love with a few quotes from the bestbook ever written. Good eatin'.

“Hush Hattie!" I said, intoxicated with my success."I don't want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan't marry theprince." I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out intothe night, "I shan't marry the prince." I turned back into the halland ran to Char and threw my arms about his neck. "I shan't marryyou." I kissed his cheek. He was safe from me.”
― GailCarson Levine, Ella Enchanted

"Would you favor me with a dance?" Over all theothers I was his choice! I curtsied, and he took my hand. Our hands knew eachother. Char looked at me, startled. "Have we met before, Lady?"

― GailCarson Levine, Ella Enchanted

He put his hand on my waist, and my heart beganto pound, a rougher rhythm than the music. I held my skirt. Ourfree hands met. His felt warm and comforting and unsettling andbewildering--all at once.

― GailCarson Levine, Ella Enchanted

“Do you like to slide?" His voice was eager.
Stair rails! Did he suspect me? I forced a sigh. "No, Majesty. I'mterrrified of heights."
Oh." His poite tone had returned.
....
I wish I could enjoy it. This fear of heights is an affliction."
He nodded, a show of sympathy but not much interest. I was losing him.
Especially," I added, "as I've grown taller.”
― GailCarson Levine, Ella Enchanted

My baby!

2011-11-29T11:53:00.001-08:00

Sitting with Kronk.

Sitting on Kronk. :)

Every day is the start of something beautiful.

2011-11-10T12:20:00.001-08:00

          “Faucet! Get help! Malissa is unwell!”
           My British accent resonated from the top story of the playhouse built with my daddy’s two strong hands. “Faucet”, or my little brother Reece, leapt in response for the umpteenth time. He ran around looking for doctors and medicines in the old-fashioned world we imagined in our humble backyard. Reece ran down the steep mountain of a hill, dug out of the middle of our yard. At the bottom of the dip was a fire pit dug out of the ground by my daddy’s two strong hands. The hill was perfect for sledding come winter and perfect for rolling down in the summer. Reece ran back up to the playhouse dodging the baby pine tree that went up barely past his six-year-old head. Panting from the lengthy journey, he bitterly explained that there were no doctors available at this time of night. The two of us honed our nursing skills and managed to care of the sickly stuffed doll all on our own.
            Several years later, I had the opportunity to revisit this most beloved childhood home. I felt bubbly and nostalgic as I pulled into the driveway of the familiar light brick house. There were a few things different already. The door had been repainted and the numbers were flashier. No one was home so I couldn’t look inside, but I didn’t really care about the interior anyway. I just wanted to see the backyard again. To roll down the steep hill and climb to the highest point of the lookout tower of the playhouse. I wanted to cut down the pine tree and decorate it for Christmas.
            I pushed the side gate open and heard a familiar creak. What I saw shocked me. It was as if someone had put my backyard in the dryer. Everything was smaller and less-grandeur than I had remembered. The “mountain” for sledding and rolling was more of a gradual decline in the lawn. The pond was mostly rocks with a puddle of water and the enormous playhouse was misshapen and not nearly as high as it had once been. The pine tree, which I expected would be even taller by now, was even after the years, still much smaller than I remembered.
            I sat on the “front porch” of the playhouse and ran my hand along the rough wood crafted and lovingly built by my dad. I couldn’t help but silently cry as I remembered the magic and peace it had brought to my early years.

Remember Nerts? Here's an update:

2011-11-02T10:53:00.000-07:00

We've played 12 games.

Andrew: 5

Tori: 7

Ha.

Let me riddle you a ditty...

2011-10-26T11:54:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting where we talked last night

trying to capture the feelings I felt

on paper

without tainting his light;

I’m not doing it justice.

His features illuminated by the dimlight

of a fish tank.

I turn to his face, scrunched up,

and investigating

just like a little boy I almost laugh

it's so adorable.

I try to let the emotions resurface

that I associate with the intense brown eyes,

the light pouring out of him,

The words, “because I care so much aboutyou”

sealed with an adamant gaze.

In my humble opinion, the two most wonderful guys on this planet.

2011-10-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

Immortal Daddy

2011-10-10T11:08:00.001-07:00

To a child, a dad is a hero.

No one else's quite compares.

However, this view won't always last

and if it does, it's rare.

Children grow and begin to see,

Dad is not all they believed him to be.

He becomes mortal, with flaws and fears

they've maybe now seen him shed a few tears.

And yet, I seemed to have skipped the stage

when dads are supposed to mold,

for mine has always been stronger than all!

My daddy could never be old.

His aging only increases my faith

in the things he's taught and endured;

his love for the gospel, Scythians, and birds

all experiences from which I've learned.

My fingernails dig into my hand,

when he arm-wrestles Skylar, or Reece

My daddy is immortal, I'm sure of it,

so I pray that he stays in one piece.

He will never fail! He will never die!

He will be our family's anchor and lead our battle cry!

I cry

for all my weaknesses,

the many times I've let him down

the times I've stayed in-the-box

and disgraced the name Brown.

Except for a humble, broken, heart

I don't have much to offer.

How did one as proud as I

deserve such a father?

I've grown to know, a Heavenly Father,

who's glory will never cease to be.

He's left me with you for a while,

with great plans I can't yet see.

As life paces forward,

through trial and ease,

I strive to earn a place above,

with my eternal daddies.

Latest Obsession: Nerts

2011-10-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

ExhibitA:

Regular Rook cards. Smooth, unassuming, and coy. Pure speed and fullenjoyment.

Exhibit B:
Castle Rook cards. Distracting, clingy, and ridiculous.

Thescore it 1-1.

Andrew Wilson, prepare to die.

NOT to do list:

2011-10-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

Wake up and not shower, cram for a science test while meeting new people, providing them with a distasteful first impression.
Get stalked on the way to campus.
Forget to pack a lunch and then buy food at SUU. (Especially not taco salad or those Keebler cheese crackers.)
Start taking quizes at 11:45pm, and then hurry to push submit before midnight.
Keep your Harry Potter ringtone at full volume during Philosophy class.
Write two full short stories in one hour.
Study for Chemistry Exam 1 during Institute.
Wear your girl's camp hoodie to class.
Fall in rain puddles.
Get a headache.
Keep study areas chaotic.
Blog when you have so many other things you need to do.
Skip editing and just post.

Hey, I've got some new jeans on, and suddenly everything's fine.

2011-09-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

So I've decided I'm going to finish the year at SUU and graduate with an Associate of Science degree.
Did you catch that? I made a decision.
*applause*

I've decided something else: It's okay to be sad every once in a while. The moment this was internalized, I got this brilliant little grin. :) Happiness isn't new jeans or curly hair, it's knowing that it's okay to be sad sometimes. Once I knew it's okay, the rebellious in me didn't want to be sad anymore. So I stopped that. Quickly turned it upside-down.

I just found out the other day that one of my poems has been selected to be showcased.
No big deal.

Wuuuuuuu! :)

Looking forward to the weekend.

2011-09-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

Creative Writing 2020

09/21/11

Timing

Sauntering down a twisted marble staircase,
cracking with overuse,
he comes closer.
Words are tumbling out of my mouth;
rehearsed
sketches of what is to come
or what will soon dissolve?

A picnic blanket is laid,
he brings sincerity and peace.
Napkins stained from the red around our mouth
are proof that
love requires no jealousy or spectators eye, with him
are the happiest days of my life.

Surveying the area
taking in a breath and sense of wholeness,
there’s a touch of longing
a concealed plea for one who will soon be displaced.

A broken promise now seen as
a promise misunderstood.
Been there for me in the way he thought
I wanted him to be.
And though I couldn’t see it then,
in the best way he ever could be.

As I learn to let go, if only temporarily,
he’s taught me something.
Honest affection isn’t crimson glasses;
there’s a deepness
a devouring desire to be selfless.

Love can envelop and mature
without constant contact.
Continual greeting and communication
instead, seasoned with earnest prayers.
Instead of waiting for him,
I discover myself.

writewritewriterightwritewrite

2011-09-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

Creative Writing 2020
09-14-2011

“There’s an explanation for everything, even the need to explain.”

Why is there unknown?
Like a fortune cookie must break
before it’s prophetic,
and often it breaks our own backs
we admit what we haven’t given enough of
ourselves, to reach our desired state of being
sheepishly
we decide that maybe that’s all we wanted
from the start.

Do we need an explanation?
Or do we revel in the fact
that no one can give us one?
We quench our thirst
with unexplainable disruptions
can’t stand to see too still a body of water
or too perfect a face.

The wind tickles the grass--
or does the grass tickle the wind?

Dirty feet with half polished nails,
hair flying in chaotic coils,
inadvertently tangling itself.
When the sun’s warmth is not enough
one small thing can ruin a day.

I remember you telling me how I had made you
beam for a full minute,
unconscious of your pause.
I grasp the memory of the journal entry
you recited
and push away all the stolen cars and poisonous plants,
leaving nothing but a smile stretched
so uncontrollably wide
that it stretches
from fingertip
to fingertip,
encompassing all I am.

It's that time of year again

2011-08-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

Time to lament the shedding of an age that I can never return to. :)
Hello eighteen! Can I believe that you're coming?
I feel ancient; like a withering branch with a wrinkly forehead and decrepit knees.

Honestly I'm getting pretty sentimental about leaving seventeen behind. As I look back on this year, I am so grateful for all of the wonderful things that happened.

-Dorothy
-Homecoming with Ethan
-Being a part of Madrigals
-Meeting and falling in love with the cream of the crop at CHS
-Sweethearts
-Bus trips
-Harvey
-Grads
-Grad Night
-Family Conference in Oregon
-Talks with mom
-Girl's nights with Murph, Jago, and Slim
-Harry Potter 7 part 2 and the celebrations associated with it
-My BBT
-Skylar's letters from his mish
-Tikla and Austin's boat trip visit
-A Mike-filled summer

Mike is the most amazing living being. I’m so grateful for his influence in my life and the experiences he’s had that have brought him to me. My heart is full. I can hardly construct sentences to express myself. The feeling I have when I'm around Mike encompasses the spiritual and the romantic. How can so much wisdom and light exist in one man? I want so much to be as good as I can possibly be. Maybe then I can deserve the arms of Michael John Snow. His testimony strengthens mine every time we talk. He is as good as it gets.

As we sat the other day at Costa Vida, talking, he started laughing out loud, harder than should be humanly possible, ;) I recorded the sound in my mind. I wanted to cry, remembering that he'll be gone soon. But at the same time, I'm eager for him to go because I'm excited for all the experiences he'll have! Besides, I know that even if we don't end up together, he, along with his laugh, will have been a part of my life. :)

"You know, we're not married..."

"We're NOT?!?"

So, I guess, Happy almost Birthday to me. :)
A celebration of an age reached and for once in my life, I feel it. Inside and out.

Name them one by one. =)

2011-08-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

I got 16/20 on my first Chemistry quiz because I got too cocky.
Let this be a lesson to me! :) Next time, I'll spend more time and focus on the problems. Hopefully I can be more organized, generally.
Yay for running into Hyrum on campus! :)
Yay for running into Mike and Bentley at the play with Murph yesterday!
Creative Writing tonight!
Possibly the play again tonight!
My yucky Honey Bunches of Oats feeling in my stomach is gone!
Yay for good friends and music!
Yay for seeing Tikla, Austin, and blueberry this weekend!
Skylar's sweet email to me!
The video that Elisa posted on Facebook!
The feeling in the institute building!
The guy passing out candy in the Student Center!
Seeing Uncle JJ and getting into my UNIV 1000 textbook!
Brownies!
Self-confidence!
Mike's smile and affection!
My wonderful family and the good choices they're making!
Dad's job!
I don't have an ear ache!
Yay for the SUU campus!
Converstations with mom!
The inspiration for my book in the form of chapter ideas!
Manageable classes and a desire to learn!

A deep love for the gospel. :)

Merry Christmas, Owen

2011-05-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what the juice box is going on.

There's a seat here for you, if you want. =)

2011-04-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a jelly-filled year. Sticky and sweet.
And before I know it, I'll have eaten the last bite and licked my fingers clean.
Where did it go? I couldn't have really eaten all of that already.
The future is a blurry windshield and dull headlights. I strain my eyes but all I see is a few inches in front of me. I trust. I learn. Buy another color of nail polish. Pay another fee. Apply for another scholarship. Mend another friendship. Sing a new song. I pray.

All those years of begging to be older have finally paid off. Right when I don't want to get any older. Oh the irony. :)

Harry Potter Wedding.

2011-04-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

If that doesn't sound like a party, then you don't know what you're talking about.

That is party.
Danny and Ethan both agree to marry me under those circumstances. Brad is still thinking about it. You're all invited. I am a little bit obsessed with this idea. :D

I wonder if no one notices

2011-04-06T13:05:00.000-07:00

when I go to my locker, pull out a notebook, wait around a while and eventually put it back in?
I almost hope that someone does, because I'll bet it's pretty ridiculous to observe. Almost as absurd as you trying to not look like you're waiting in the crowded hallway. Turned around, hesitant at first, your words rinsed, chopped, and tossed together. There is no superficial, at least, none that's working. I see you, you see me. We're on the same page. We don't want sunsets or romance or exclusivity. You keep your left socks separate from your right ones; you never pair off. Brilliant. There's nothing striking in your eyes, and there are no sparks from your hands which have rarely touched mine. What is striking is the conversation we create while everyone around is listening in the hall where I pretend to need a notebook.

turquoise striped throne

2011-03-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

Haha. :)
I win.

Give, give, give, until there's nothing left.

2011-03-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

What did I do to deserve my exceptional parents? :) And my genuine, beautiful siblings? All my understanding friends? I feel happy today knowing that there are such good people in my life. Incredibly lucky. Life is so beautiful! I love my life, most of all: the people in it! I heard this quote recently, "A place is as good as the people in it." I love that because it is so true. Everywhere I've been, it's the people I miss most.

Why me?
Why am I the lucky one?
:)

So he said, What's the problem baby?

2011-02-26T12:49:00.000-08:00

I don't know, well maybe I'm in love.

So I said, "I'm a snowball running"
Running down into the spring
That's coming all this love melting under
Blue skies belting out sunlight,
shimmering love.

and how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

2011-02-25T13:12:00.000-08:00

I'm about to say something I've said many times before.
Everyone I talk to says you’re trouble. But none of them have given me a good enough reason to believe it’s true. I’m getting that feeling. That feeling you get as the ride is rolling up, up, up. Anticipation. Excitement. But also fear. The ride is always too short. So you almost don’t want it to start. But of course you would die if it never did. I thought I knew what love was, but now it scares me entirely. I’ve been exposed so utterly ignorant.

Hey, Tori. :)

Is it possible to be that adorable?

What is Poetry?

2011-02-23T12:03:00.000-08:00

Words are like peanut butter; without milk they’re too sticky. Poetry is like milk. When your lips are cracking and your mouth is so dry it feels like cotton, that’s poetry. Even though you get a milky coating all in your mouth, it gives you something to think about, something to remember after the actual experience. Leaving you refreshed and nostalgic. Poetry is a whispered pleading to someone who’ll listen, with the hope they won’t fully understand what you’re trying to express. It’s like a fragment of the writer’s soul is in a floating water lily, just out of reach, daring you to lean over and risk falling in the water. Poetry is the soaked feeling of your formal gown against you as you pull up on to the muddy shore with the water lily dangling off of heel of your shoe. Poetry is when words aren’t enough to explain how you feel, but you allow them to try. Poetry is when all things constraining become the tools necessary to rise above.

It's been my experience that

2011-02-10T14:02:00.000-08:00

turning in a poetry portfolio is like wrapping your soul in saran wrap and putting it in the microwave for a few seconds and then gingerly handing it to someone you see three times a week with a misshapen bow on top, trusting that they'll take care.

I am his stone.

2011-02-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

If his mashed potatoes taste better at my table then maybe he'll stay.

Yeah, you love his voice. How could you not? This whole circle of girls should know that I hear that beautiful voice every other day.
Sometimes, right next to me.
Every once in a while, arm-in-arm down halls and auditoriums. And you know what?
It never gets old.
In fact, it gets better every time. His voice could sculpt the roughest stone. After February 12th, he's all yours. Until then, I hope you can let me enjoy him in peace.

Everyone I talk to says he's trouble.
I guess I like trouble.

2011-02-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

He put three exclamation marks with three hearts dotting each one.
That has got to mean something.
What guy unconsciously draws hearts?

Just sayin.

I am
t
w
i
t
e
r
p
a
t
e
d.

New Blue Moon

2011-01-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

I did it. Can you believe this? :)
That was definitely not in my zomfort cone.
I'm running away from my shadow, out of all these shades of blue, into a fiery red.

You light the fire that I burn in.

I know now, you're just in the way of me and my dream come true.

2011-01-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

Why do you scare me so badly? I can't even stand in the same hall with you. These new kicks aren't helping anything. You make me crazy. Can't even stand it. I've made up my mind. Almost. I don't know what to do. You frighten me so incredibly. I hate it. I wish I could forget about it. But I can't.

I just need to breathe. Just breathe.

Where are you?
I'm a little kid lost at the zoo. Held the wrong hand for too long. Looked up and realized I wasn't where I wanted to be.

Dale Cobsy

2010-12-21T11:48:00.000-08:00

Thank you Tina.
For being my friend. For writing a song with me. For eating French Toast with me. For loving David Archuleta with me. For taking me to Ella's house. For leaving your icecream wrapper on my seat. For locking me in the bathroom. For telling me to put the slurpee cup's "wherever's best". For praying with me. For being bizare enough to handle me. For letting me in. For stealing sweats. For listening. For telling your silly stories. For crying in front of me. For not sliding of off the road.

:)

Thank you Tina.

Aw.

2010-11-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

Melt my heart and make my day all at once.

Go ahead.

Ouch.

2010-11-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

you didn't call.

you could've called just to say no.

or to say some other time.

or to say you wouldn't be calling.

but you just didn't call at all.

i'm a little disenchanted with you.

when it's all said and done I'll be just a speck in your galaxy.

2010-11-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

when you forget me,
when you don’t remember my name,
not even a memory
somewhere in the back of your brain.
I won’t be offended
cuz I always knew that the day would come when I’m not enough to make you stay.
You tell me it’s not possible,
no way that we could break
but nothing is illogical, believe me.

Like falling stars over your head
we were bound to burn out,
but like crashing cars
i’ll never get over you, never over you

he says my name and the sky turns purple

2010-10-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

How are you doing, Tori?
Tori, you are so darn cool!
You look very cute today, Tori.
You did a really good job tonight, Tori. *side hug*
But you look really cute today, Tori. :)

History 1700

2010-10-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

Shoulder to shoulder.
Arm to arm.
Crouching over my textbook
Searching for the answer to #11.
Hands touch.
Linger.
I like your sweater.
Thanks, it's my brothers'.
You're a lot smaller than him.
Touch my arm
covered by sweater.
Drops pen.
Darn pen.
Sigh.
Well, you can't always be perfect.
:)
:) back.
Dimple.
We're officially nerds.
Why?
We've finished the viewing guide
and the movie's just started.
We're just smart.
:)
And now we don't have to pay attention.
:)
:), dimple.
Yawn.
Yawn.
Laughter.
Eyes crinkle.
Dimples.
Small talk
while I admire his eyes.
Credits roll.
*Bell*

Gather our stuff.
Hey, see ya.
See ya.
:) :).
Hey, Tori.
I turn back around.
Mm?
Have fun.
You too.
:)

I'm Dorothy.

2010-09-12T19:58:00.001-07:00

:)
I hope I do this right.

Here we go.

2010-08-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

He has a blue aura.
That's alright with me.

By the way, it's all about Gale.

So this aint the end,

2010-08-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

I saw you again, today, I had to turn my heart away.

Blah, blah, blah.

2010-07-12T16:30:00.000-07:00

Funny thing, guilt.

keeping my heart awake

2010-06-28T12:29:00.000-07:00

I need to fix my guitar. Once and for all. Everyday without it, makes it harder to breathe.

Okay, not really.
But almost.

you have to want it a little more than that.

2010-06-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

I have a sick sense of humor.
But you're laughing. So what does that say about yours?
It's very sick.
You didn't have to respond. You didn't have to start it. You didn't have to laugh. You didn't have to make me laugh. But you did.
So I'm left here with little choice, but to encourage it. (:

With a little less of my heart on the line this time. Just in case.

I aint missing you at all.

2010-06-11T12:48:00.001-07:00

Everytime I think of you
I always catch my breath
I'm still standing here
And your miles away.

I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spent my time just thinking about you
And its almost driving me wild

And I ain't missin' you at all
Since you've been gone
Away.
I ain't missin' you
No matter what I might say.

Obsessive? Yes.

2010-06-11T12:38:00.001-07:00

So.

2010-06-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't expect roller coasters until later this summer. But I'm caught in one right now. Most likely, my journal either doubts my devotion, or is wishing I had better words to record. And likewise, my blog. I've been sleeping with my guitar, trying again and again to write that song I've tried to write over and over again. But I love life today. Tis good. Thrilling. I feel loved. Where I am has never seemed more normal. Although I know I'm destined to never elude ghetto entirely.

I must interrupt this to proclaim that my righteous, worthy, brother is going on his mission to South Africa on November 11th. <3 Excited for him doesn't begin to describe. :D It's smile-stretching-off-my-face kind of excited.

(PdotSdot, Mandy Moore didn't even write Only Hope. Switchfoot did. Why? Because Switchfoot owns.)

Peace out.

The sound of an old guitar is saving me.

2010-06-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

What is a girl to do?
You are my weakness.

i hear it, and I can't stop myself from remembering it.

2010-05-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

I'm a silly little girl.
In my own makeshift world.
Don't blink or you'll miss me dancing by.
If you're close enough you'll hear me sigh.

I'm meant for more than
soothing your testy soul.
Or worshiping your skill
for bad rock and roll.

I wonder what I would discover if I played Truth or Dare
with the past.
I wonder if I would know the answers at last.

:)

2010-05-23T20:04:00.001-07:00

I forgot what your voice sounded like. It's good.

Trust me on this.

2010-05-17T20:06:00.001-07:00

Cross your fingers behind your back and count slowly backwards from a year and some.

Deju vu.

Excerpt from my Creative Writing Sci-Fi

2010-05-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

March 21st

Glacia

Her tiny bare feet took her out behind the eccentric two-story house. She pushed open the rickety screen door and waddled out across the back deck. Without permission again. A girly dress danced on the top of her chubby knees and her tiny toenails were sloppily painted pink. Two light pink ribbons held loose pigtails in place, and big glistening eyes shone out at the outside world. She stood for a moment in wonder. Not fear, but wonder. She awkwardly climbed off the deck and into the lawn below. The grass tickled her knees as she walked through it, towards the fence separating the well-kept lawn and a wild field. As she approached the white picket fence, she looked up at the latch that she could tell she wouldn’t be able to reach. Her nose peeked through the slats and saw the grassy field with one path down the middle. Sighing, she knew she had only one option. With no thought of her pretty dress, she carefully slid under the bottom of the fence and found herself facedown in the field. She got up on her hands and knees and then up back onto her feet. Steadying herself, she went on down the path with purpose.

She paused in the middle of the field and stared determinedly up into the sky. A cluster of clouds swarmed around like a flock of birds directly above where she stood. She smiled slightly in approval. Then, holding both tiny hands straight up towards the sky, she squealed with utter delight. Expertly, she opened her mouth towards the heavens to catch the first raindrop of the season on her tongue. She closed her eyes a moment before impact.

The reaction was immediate.

Water gushed out of her mouth like a geyser, pouring across the grassy field and beyond. She fell to the ground until the water swirled around her like a whirlpool, carrying her higher and higher. Abruptly, her expression changed from peaceful to anxious, and she was lost in the sea of rain. Then in a moment, the water soaked back into the ground like it was a thirsty sponge, and not one pigtail was to be seen. Resting on a rose petal was a single drop of water. It was as if no one had entered the field.

Except.

Beside the rose was a small bundle from which clear blue eyes stared out and up into the still darkened sky.

i wanna do the right thing.

2010-05-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

Help me know what that is.

all I was trying to do was save my own skin but so were you

2010-05-05T14:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging you,
I’m begging you,
I’m begging you to be my escape.

brown chicken, brown cow.

2010-05-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

Today was a day to remember.
Goofy girls is the new fudge brownies.

i found this in my old facebook notes. haha.

2010-05-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

1. My birthday is awesome: 9-3-93
2. I believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous.
3. Music is my life.
4. Rain is my passion.
5. I have moved 14 times.
6. My best friend ever happens to be my sister.
7. I’m not allowed to. (fill in the blank)
8. I eat Kimchi, I want to speak Korean, and I have green Asian eyes.
9. I love to sing, act, and dance, but I’ve never been too good at it. =P
10. Pringles=yum
11. I write down everything.
12. I own, or have owned, or would like to own, or will own, the entire Harry Potter series for my kids to read.
13. Don’t call me Vicky or you’ll see how I earned a brown belt in Judo.
14. Carbonation is icky next to freshly squeezed orange juice.
15. I went off chocolate for two years.
16. My life should be made into an awesomely beautifully emo musical when I die. ;P
17. I feel sorry for people, even if I really, really, really, shouldn’t.
18. I’m very clumsy. (Except for on those rare occasions when my hidden gracefulness momentarily trips on-stage.;)
19. I overanalyze just about everything.
20. Poetry is not optional.
21. I can play “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey on the piano. HUGE feat.
22. I involve myself in other people’s lives.
23. Guitars make me warm and fuzzy inside. :D
24. I still remember what my imaginary friends look like and their awesome names too.
25. Days pass me by, just like moments.
26. I’m a sucker for compliments.

Until then.

2010-05-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

I've been around for you
I've been up and down for you
But I just can't get any relief
I've swallowed my pride for you
I've lived and lied for you
But you still make me feel like a thief
You got me stealin' your love away
Cuz you never give it
Peeling the years away
And we can't relive it
I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

I've had enough of the falseness
Of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy
And the intoleration
I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

Oh, don't you know it's time for me to fly

amazing

2010-04-28T20:21:00.000-07:00

Thank you.
My evening is now complete.

we accept food stamp.

2010-04-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

Where music is sung in harmony
where words read have meaning
where testimonies are founded
and strengthened.
Where friends are family
and we all know each others name.
where modest really is hottest.
where no one is better than anyone else.
where we lift and inspire
and there's no glitter or labels.

<3

I received my Young Women Medallion tonight. It was beautiful, but something was missing. I'm pretty sure I know what. Elisa, Emy, Kim, Madison, Maryana, Marystar, and every other young women on the ghetto island I love.

Peace out.

next time, I'll aim better.

2010-04-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

You're right. I am not worthy of you.
In fact, I'm bowing right now.
Bowing.
I'm scraping my nose on your shoes.
I'll never live up to you.
Too perfect for me, for anyone.

It's just too bad you're all alone.
It's really too bad.

P.S. I can't wait for summer with Anitia! :D

i'm just a little too not over you.

2010-04-25T19:45:00.001-07:00

When at first you don't succeed,
try
try
try
try
try
try
try
try
try
again.

But then what?

WOaH.

2010-04-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

Orange and blue.
Yeeeeah.

It's the new me.

You dig?

Something is wrong

2010-04-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

when the bathrooms have automatic flushing facilities, and yet
you can't keep the stall doors closed because all the locks are broken.

That's what I call ghetto dot com.

i added "cuz" to my blogger dictionary, because I can.

2010-04-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

I'm at Pine View High School in St. George, bored to tears. Thusly, I thought I'd post a normal blog for once, with no cryptic meanings, treasure hunt clues, or scrambled lyrics. -insert Hilary's "ahng?" (a more-than-suitable substitute for "yeah?")-

I've been typing papers for so long that I started to format this post in 12pt font, Times New Roman, indent the first line, write Victoria Brown in the top left hand corner... How lame is that? It's all this blocking Facebook business. I don't understand why school's block Facebook. Do they think social networking distracts from studies and consume what could be essay writing time? Pffft. Crazysauce.

I'm sitting next to a drinking fountain, because I'm sharing it's plug, on Hilary's laptop. Cuz she's awesome. Not possum. Just awesome. ;) Kantori, the CHS women's choir I've been hanging out with every second period on B days, just cuz they freakin' rock, and I happen to be a member, just performed for our regional competition. We did pretty amazing down in the alto section if I do say so myself, and I just did. So now we're just chilin... OHMYGOODNESS! Hahahahaha. The outlet I'm using is ghetto.com. A choir just finished performing and came out in a line to get water and the drinking fountain isn't working. We short-circuited the fountain with a mini laptop. LAWL. That is too funny. Hahahaha. We are trying to not look guilty. Failsauce.
Hilary: (cracking up, giving an improv speech to a line of thirsty people) "Oh, yeah, wow, that's funny. Wasn't that fountain working a few minutes ago? Weird..." Lol. This just turned into the best day ever.

Apparently it IS the best day ever. I've just been informed that it's toe ring Wednesday. <3

tell me where you are

2010-04-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

It feels like summer is on it’s way.
Will it ever get here?
These sheltered hearts can’t make me stay
No, I wont forget we’re everything I know
And I hope you take this everything I know
Cuz you made it worth this ride to me.

It hurts

2010-04-13T09:59:00.000-07:00

for all the wrongest reasons.

you don't have to stay strong and silent

2010-04-09T09:58:00.001-07:00

The wall is still not talking back. I wonder why I keep thinking it will. I guess because this time I think I heard a grunt or two. Then again, I have a pretty vivid imagination, so who knows. I wanna hit my head against that wall. Three times, hard.

Somehow, I don't see that helping.

Walls are lame. Don't talk to them. (They don't talk back.)

life is what happens when you're busy making plans

2010-04-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

I tried talking to a wall today. Someone told me it'd be worth my while.
I have to be honest.

It wasn't.

sha la la

2010-04-01T13:07:00.001-07:00

This is wrong but
I can't help but feel like
There ain't nothing more right
Misty morning comes again and I can't
Help but wish I could see your face

And I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you
You smile that beautiful smile
And all the girls in the front row scream your name

So dim that spotlight, tell me things like
I can't take my eyes off of you
I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl
Who's desperately in love with you
Give me a photograph to hang on my wall
Superstar

Good morning loneliness
Comes around when I'm not dreaming about you
When my world wakes up today you'll be in another town
And I knew when I saw your face I'd be
Counting down the ways to see you
And you smile that beautiful smile
And all the girls in the front row scream your name

You played in bars, you play guitar
And I'm invisible and everyone knows who you are
And you'll never see, you sing me to sleep
Every night from the radio

So dim that spotlight, tell me things like
I can't take my eyes off of you
I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl
Who's desperately in love with you
Give me a photograph to hang on my wall
Superstar
Sweet, sweet superstar
Superstar

Jonah's back.

2010-03-28T20:07:00.001-07:00

How do you say goodbye in robot?

i don't give up that easily

2010-03-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

Last time I saw you,
you didn't look at me.
But all I could think, was
you have so much possibility.

You say you don't know,
well I believe you.
Cuz I don't know, too.

I'll fix it with some key lime pie,
I'll make you smile.
I'm not giving up.

Not even a little bit.

2010-03-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

Trying to forget is really not working.
Come right out and say it.

feelings intertwined. worries melted. senses fused. love welded.

2010-02-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

I wanna be that girl
who sneezes so cute that you have to say, "bless you"
who looks good first thing in the morning.
whose singing makes the birds and squirrels gather.
who's responsibly reckless.
who makes the teams.
who's hair blows in the wind.
who makes you stop a little.

you've got the keys to me

2010-02-08T11:58:00.000-08:00

I do this from time to time where I can never say the things I mean. I hear the words, but all I can think, is we should be together. I'm up to my neck with work and worries and questions.

it's a sad day in Toriland

2010-02-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

There better be a good explanation...

Emo.

2010-01-26T06:38:00.000-08:00

Tori,

frigid.

i'll pick you up, like you for i.

2010-01-24T08:32:00.001-08:00

I don't think this is working.

Squeezing so hard my hands are hurting.
I ought to let go in the first place.
Everything that shows time is gone.
I'm outside in this cold
still looking for you.

But it's harder to hold on to your hands, than the hands of time
Don't let go.

i can't breathe.

2010-01-20T14:26:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to let this happen.

according to you

2010-01-02T14:25:00.001-08:00

Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.
About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.
Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.
And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.

We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?

Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.
Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.
In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.
Let's give it a shot.

We all have a story to tell.
Whether we whisper or yell.
We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.
We all have a story to tell.

Zesty

2010-01-02T14:03:00.001-08:00

You're better than you think you are

and I know you will go so far

You have such possibility

your masterpiece, dancing inside me.

Gone crazy, won't be home soon,

I'm singing songs to the moon.

My new pet butterflies swirl

and dancing on the edge I twirl.

Your faraway controlled expression,

leaves me haunted with obsession,

Your honest eyes,

they search me as I realize,

they won't admire what I fake,

but you keep my heart awake.

new pet butterflies.

2009-12-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

Tear away my fall-back option.
Take away the safety net below me.
I'm taking my chances as I go,
because life is more than just survival.
Love is what sets me free,
now just a little faith is all I need.

I'm not good enough, because I'm too good.
I have a confession.

Cages or wings?

2009-12-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

Why do we play with fire?
Why do we run our fingers through the flame?
Why do we leave our hand on the stove, although we know it'll cause some pain?
Why do we refuse to hang a light when the streets are dangerous?
Why does it take an accident before the truth gets through to us?

Why should we blaze a trail when the well-worn path seems safe and
so inviting?

Why do we stay with lovers who we know, down deep, just aren't right?
Why would we rather put ourselves through hell, than sleep alone at night?

Fear or love?
Don't say the answer.
Actions speak louder than words.

Snow with Roland.

2009-12-06T13:47:00.000-08:00

i eat novels for breakfast

2009-12-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

most important meal of the day. :P

2009-11-30T11:00:00.001-08:00

Why?

Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights,
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself,
When that moment finally comes,
I'll be there to help.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here.
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there are people crying in the streets,
When they're starving for a meal to eat,
When they simply need a place to make their beds,
Right here underneath my wing,
You can rest your head.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there...

There... there... there...

Hope and pray that you'll never need me,
But rest assured I will not let you down.
I'll walk beside you but you may not see me,
The strongest among you may not wear a crown.

guitar lessons

2009-11-26T21:15:00.000-08:00

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

if I were a fruit I wouldn't be in season

2009-11-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

boys.
beauty.
destructive.

Doesn't it seem like when guys find something absolutely beautiful,
they, with immense pleasure, proceed to destroy it in the most uncreative ways possible?

EH.
Irritation.

Confused without you.

2009-11-16T10:31:00.001-08:00

Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you. Confused without you.

Nanonanonanonanonanonanonanonanonano.

2009-11-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

i just can't sing it loud enough.
It's not enough to say that I miss you.

Nothing's enough.

I wrestled with my sheets, tossing and turning back and forth for a good four hours. I got up and paced my room, turned on the radio and cursed the night sky. The moon smiled back at me, mocking my attempts at anger. I needed him so bad. I needed his safe arms around me and then I’d fall right asleep.

~~~

I felt someone tugging me away from him. Pulling me upwards. “No!” My scream echoed through the valley but he ignored me. Or maybe he couldn’t hear me. His face blured, grew distant and then my eyes fluttered open. All I saw was the musty beige-to-white ceiling of my bedroom. There was a knock on my door. “Heather?”

the voice running through my head

2009-11-10T06:39:00.000-08:00

"No, really, you have an amazing voice."

"No, really, you have an amazing voice."

"You should try. You'd do really good."
"You're such a good person, and all good people try out. ;)"

"No, really, you have an amazing voice."

Crocodiles

2009-11-06T09:58:00.001-08:00

Mutilated,
shaking,
Could you be a little more perfect
for just a moment?

Unsuspecting, unpredictable, unfair.
But I was warned.
So there's no more laughing at that.

What will hurt more?

Hug O' War

2009-10-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

I will not play at tug o' war

I'd rather play at hug o' war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs

Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses
And everyone grins
And everyone cuddles

And everyone wins.

-Shel Silverstein

Sweet denial

2009-10-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

Snow. Rain season is gone along with it. I was getting all grouchy because of it. However, even though the wind is unbearable, the snow is only pretty for a millisecond, and the ice deadly, I have come to a delightful conclusion. I lived through it all, didn't I? I did. I keep telling myself, it wasn't that bad, you'll be okay. And then, today, worst day yet, I finally believed myself. Here's why. Obviously, today had to be the peak of winter, and therefore it should be slowly warming up and we're quickly hopping into spring. :)

The worst should be over.

What a relief.

applause

2009-10-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

A- in Pre-Calculus!

YAY.

I am so happy. :D

even when your hope is gone.

2009-10-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

I pray that we make it through,

make it through the fall,

make it through it all.

Cuz I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you.