two-edged hope ;)

I've taken more quizzes on Facebook than should be humanly possible, and I can't find the will to tuck myself in for the night, so I figured I should release here. :) If I haven't mentioned it before, I am clinically insane. :) And loving every minute of it. I can hardly think straight. There are so many things to decide and consider and plan. Tricky things. Happy things. Lots of things. So that's probably why sleeping seems impossible. I worry about the next thing I'm gonna mess up. And who will hurt because of me. I know that's not a good way to think, but I'm so worried. I'm trying not to be, though. Haha, what's funny, is that one second I'll be crying and despairing, and the next I'll be laughing and singing. Like now I'm all happy again. :P I'm not used to being like this. I guess it all comes back to being insane. And loving it? Haha. Hm. I rely on reassurance these days. It kinda scares me. But I love it! (Haha, you see my problem?) Is this a mistake? Should I not love it? And if I can't help it...? Ahh. I start each day with a hope. :) I start each day with an ache. Before I go to bed I check to make sure a certain piece of black rubber is still around. And it's been so long, but it still makes me smile. Until the worry comes. The worry that I love. The worry that I could never live without. The worry that keeps me up at night. Perfect, meant to be, one of a kind. Nah. It's not like that. It's insanely perfect. The imperfections are the most perfect part of it all. :) I've discovered the most amazingly beautiful contradiction ever to be made. :) <3

If I tried to write how much you mean to me I wouldn't be able to find the words. But my heart could if I gave her a pen. She has so much to write for you. You're so good. You deserve the world. Haha, I'm crying again. :'P Bed looks just as uninviting, but right now it's the closest I can get to you. See you there.