I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
15ft Deep Thoughts
As I recently celebrated my 15th birthday, I decided to break out my old notebooks from 2005-present, and I rediscovered this:
Feelings
Before Melissa can think, she feels. Before James has thoughts, he has emotions. Before there are reasons, there are reactions. Feelings come first. We must be touched by the lives of other to act morally. I'm not talking about liking other people. We may like someone or not. But we can still be moved by their fate and feel for their condition. Connecting with others that touch our lives is expressed with sympathy and empathy. People who lack empathy, who can't feel what another person feels, are cold and alienated. And cold, distant people scare us because we are afraid they will let us down, turn away from us when we most need them, or our break hearts without even knowing or caring that they have. Because humans can't survive alone, sensitivity toward the lives of others is vital. Feeling like you can be an even better person because of someone else is something that we take for granted. It keeps us alive. Without emotions we would be like someone who possesses intelligence enough to be able to analyze, but who lacks the emotional depth to be able to put that good skill to use. Everything would be equal; nothing would be more valuable or important than anything else. We wouldn't care. We would know we were making a mess, but would have no motivation to do anything about it. Our social lives would be in shambles, and we would know why, but we would lack the will to keep our good character intact.
But it's our decision all the same. When we feel for someone, when we are touched, we want to act on their behalf. The capacity to feel--to care--is what that motivation is. It is possible for someone to go through the motions and do the right thing, but still in a way, get it wrong. Doing the right thing is vital, but it's just as important that it's done with the right feeling. The point of helping in many cases is to reassure each other that we care, to show patience, loyalty, considerateness, and empathy.
The question is: Is there any way to educate a heart? I believe that feelings are either healthy or stifled. Our beginning feelings toward empathy and emotions are what we carry years, and years, until we have a definite reason to embrace or expel them. The idea that girls are emotional and guys aren't, makes us neglect the emotional lives of boys. Caring is the most important thing. Some people are expressive, some reserved, some emotional, some intellectual. No one personality type is more inclined to be caring. It is the awareness of feelings, not how they are expressed, that makes the difference. Helping others willingly, without expectation of an award, comes first form our feelings, as we reach our in an effort to bond to others. It is when feelings are hidden and out of view that they are the most dangerous.
"Love thy neighbor as thyself..."
People must hold themselves in high regard in order to extend themselves to others. If you thought you were a worthless person, then you would treat others as though they weren't worth anything either. Higher self-esteem = caring deeper for others.
Sometimes we let people orbit around our hearts, but never let them in, because we are frightened of changing the pattern. Why? Patterns make us feel complete, like we’re doing the right thing, and they don’t require the thing that scares almost everyone: change. The only one who knows that there is an unfinished puzzle in our soul is us, so if we hide that knowledge from ourselves, we tend to resort to other things to make us feel complete. Like patterns.
Not very organized, I know. Just thought I'd share. :)
There's a year full of emotions coming up. I better be ready for it.
Feelings
Before Melissa can think, she feels. Before James has thoughts, he has emotions. Before there are reasons, there are reactions. Feelings come first. We must be touched by the lives of other to act morally. I'm not talking about liking other people. We may like someone or not. But we can still be moved by their fate and feel for their condition. Connecting with others that touch our lives is expressed with sympathy and empathy. People who lack empathy, who can't feel what another person feels, are cold and alienated. And cold, distant people scare us because we are afraid they will let us down, turn away from us when we most need them, or our break hearts without even knowing or caring that they have. Because humans can't survive alone, sensitivity toward the lives of others is vital. Feeling like you can be an even better person because of someone else is something that we take for granted. It keeps us alive. Without emotions we would be like someone who possesses intelligence enough to be able to analyze, but who lacks the emotional depth to be able to put that good skill to use. Everything would be equal; nothing would be more valuable or important than anything else. We wouldn't care. We would know we were making a mess, but would have no motivation to do anything about it. Our social lives would be in shambles, and we would know why, but we would lack the will to keep our good character intact.
But it's our decision all the same. When we feel for someone, when we are touched, we want to act on their behalf. The capacity to feel--to care--is what that motivation is. It is possible for someone to go through the motions and do the right thing, but still in a way, get it wrong. Doing the right thing is vital, but it's just as important that it's done with the right feeling. The point of helping in many cases is to reassure each other that we care, to show patience, loyalty, considerateness, and empathy.
The question is: Is there any way to educate a heart? I believe that feelings are either healthy or stifled. Our beginning feelings toward empathy and emotions are what we carry years, and years, until we have a definite reason to embrace or expel them. The idea that girls are emotional and guys aren't, makes us neglect the emotional lives of boys. Caring is the most important thing. Some people are expressive, some reserved, some emotional, some intellectual. No one personality type is more inclined to be caring. It is the awareness of feelings, not how they are expressed, that makes the difference. Helping others willingly, without expectation of an award, comes first form our feelings, as we reach our in an effort to bond to others. It is when feelings are hidden and out of view that they are the most dangerous.
"Love thy neighbor as thyself..."
People must hold themselves in high regard in order to extend themselves to others. If you thought you were a worthless person, then you would treat others as though they weren't worth anything either. Higher self-esteem = caring deeper for others.
Sometimes we let people orbit around our hearts, but never let them in, because we are frightened of changing the pattern. Why? Patterns make us feel complete, like we’re doing the right thing, and they don’t require the thing that scares almost everyone: change. The only one who knows that there is an unfinished puzzle in our soul is us, so if we hide that knowledge from ourselves, we tend to resort to other things to make us feel complete. Like patterns.
Not very organized, I know. Just thought I'd share. :)
There's a year full of emotions coming up. I better be ready for it.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Models
I know a few people who want to be models when they grow up. That's great. But what will they be modeling? They will probably, hopefully, be modest fashion models. But that is not an easy thing to do, so I worry.
I know more than a few people who look up to fashion models. Because of who they are? What they model? I'm not sure, but I still don't see any problem with that.
I know many, many, people who see a beautiful model and although they see her moral flaws, wish that they could be exactly where she is in life, looking and feeling exactly like she does.
This is where a problem arises.
Let's remember the definition of a model:
Model
mod·el (mŏd'l) pronunciation
n.
1. A small object, usually built to scale, that represents in detail another, often larger object.
2. A preliminary work or construction that serves as a plan from which a final product is to be made: a clay model ready for casting.
2. Such a work or construction used in testing or perfecting a final product: a test model of a solar-powered vehicle.
3. A schematic description of a system, theory, or phenomenon that accounts for its known or inferred properties and may be used for further study of its characteristics: a model of generative grammar; a model of an atom; an economic model.
What are our models? Who or what are we modeling ourselves after? Are we testing and perfecting, or waiting and breaking? What mold are we pushing ourselves into? Or are we making our own mold? We have to find our models, or we'll mold into the same shape that everyone else molding into.
I know more than a few people who look up to fashion models. Because of who they are? What they model? I'm not sure, but I still don't see any problem with that.
I know many, many, people who see a beautiful model and although they see her moral flaws, wish that they could be exactly where she is in life, looking and feeling exactly like she does.
This is where a problem arises.
Let's remember the definition of a model:
Model
mod·el (mŏd'l) pronunciation
n.
1. A small object, usually built to scale, that represents in detail another, often larger object.
2. A preliminary work or construction that serves as a plan from which a final product is to be made: a clay model ready for casting.
2. Such a work or construction used in testing or perfecting a final product: a test model of a solar-powered vehicle.
3. A schematic description of a system, theory, or phenomenon that accounts for its known or inferred properties and may be used for further study of its characteristics: a model of generative grammar; a model of an atom; an economic model.
What are our models? Who or what are we modeling ourselves after? Are we testing and perfecting, or waiting and breaking? What mold are we pushing ourselves into? Or are we making our own mold? We have to find our models, or we'll mold into the same shape that everyone else molding into.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Grow with the flow
"Tori was quite sneaky when she was little, but I think she grew out of it."
Hmmm...can we really 'grow out of' something? Can we actually lose parts of our character? Can we simply grow out of ways we live, and principles we were raised on? Can our timing and vocabulary change the way our mind functions?
You are who you are. You don't grow out of anything. You either learn to control, cover, or replace. The only thing that changes as we grow older besides our appearance is our knowledge and experience. With knowledge and experience, our timing gets better and we contribute to the "don't do this again" section of our brain. But we don't lose anything (except baby fat :P) as we get older, we merely add on to whatever we already had. That's why being "like unto a child" is possible. That why we watch a movie and cry because we see the potential we have to be better than we are. Time is constantly passing, we are constantly messing up, and constantly growing up. There's nothing we can ever do about that. But somehow we're fine. How? Because it's in our blood to progress. When we aren't progressing, we're depressing. Our body and spirit live to grow, and our mind adapts to the things that we change. Maybe personality complexes are founded on childhood weaknesses that people haven't found a way to cover, control, or replace in a way that promotes growth. Not knowing how to go about growing, probably would result in a skewed perspective of who we think we are. But we are how we let ourselves grow, and we don't ever "grow out of" who we are.
Maybe I'm choosing to grow into a sad, sad, teen with a lot of day-dreamable boring classes. I'll analyze the phrase "walk in someone else's shoes" later. Tune in. ;)
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