addicted to conflict

I had a brainwave so I thought I'd simmer it out in a post.

What a strange world we live in. insane more like. but what would we be without the trauma and chaos? Nothing. A big nothingness blob. crazy, huh? We all thrive on conflict. Everything we enjoy involves conflict. Movies, friendships, and the stories we read and write…all the plots are based around conflict. We listen to sad songs, we love getting scared, we laugh when others get hurt or embarass themselves. Talk about strange! Nothing on this planet is consistent, nothing is perfect, yet we all think that somehow, the third time we try we’ll get just what the doctor ordered. We fail embarrassingly only to remember that of course perfection is impossible.
Risk leads to loss. Hope leads to tears.
50% of the time.
No patterns. No maps. Only a song in your head and a prayer in your heart will keep you alive.

That global warming presentation must be getting to my head…;)

One darn clean window

This morning my dad woke me up and said to meet up on the veranda for prayer and scripture study. Tikla was groggily climbing up the stairs next to me. Recently, I had cleaned the sliding glass door that leads to the veranda, for a punishment. Now here's where it gets intense. Can you guess what's coming next?

Tikla slammed nose first into the door. After a short pause...

mom:: that's one clean window, tori...

tikla:: *opened it properly, walked through, and promptly slumped down in the usual prayer and scripture study position*

me:: in hysterics with laughter

Tikla may have been too tired to see the humor in the situation, or maybe she was in some pain, but I could not stop laughing, mostly because it could've easily have been me that rammed into the door...the joys of having a sister. or two. starr has leaped into that same door. Have you seen me crashing into things? never, right? I guess I'm brunette at the roots. ;)

Another thing I gained from this delightful experience is the answer to the big question of life, "What are you gonna be when you grow up?":
I think I'm going to wash windows. but that's only if minimum wage increases.

rock on.

I really am still here

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
Still here

Seeing the ashes in my heart
The smile the widest
When I cry inside and my insides blow apart
I tried to wear another face
Just to make you proud
Just to make you put me in my place
But everything you wanted from me
Is everything that I could never be

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here

Maybe tonight
It's gonna be alright
I will get better
Maybe today
It's gonna be okay
I will remember

I held the pieces of my soul
I was shattered and I wanted you to come and make me whole
When I saw you yesterday
But you didn't notice
And you just walked away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

The cities grow
The rivers flow
Where you are, I'll never know
But I'm still here
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here
The lights go out, the bridges burn
Once you're gone, you can't return
But I'm still here
Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to runaway
But I'm still here

Salty Dreams

I can't wait for memorial day. You know why? Becasue it's a day for remembering. So I can remember what it's like to sleep for more than 5 hours every night. :)

Colors and words

It's harder than it looks...you should've seen Jake and Skylar try...:D

Corn, fans, butter, and the such like...

Corny thingy for the day: "I'm your biggest fan, but you're the one blowing me away..." Could I have a little butter with that corn?

wow. I'm leaving now.

I *heart* life!

Life is a gift...every breath we take is a gift. We all have the power to make the decision to either live a 100% life or just to float along, allowing influences to control our lives.

There is no right or wrong way of living this wondrous journey, but if we can live it the best possible way we can, enjoying everything around us...being in "this moment" constantly growing and learning, appreciating and loving, we would be much richer for it.

Here are some amazing life quotes::

Life is a progress, and not a station
Ralph Waldo Emerson


Life is just a chance to grow a soul.
Powell Davies


Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
Immanuel Kant


Where there is love there is life.
Mohandas K. Gandhi


Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


The purpose of life is a life of purpose.
Robert Byrne


Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
Victor Hugo


How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
Annie Dillard


How you live one day is eventually how you live your life.
Phillip Yancey


The measure of life, after all, is not it’s duration but it’s donation.
Corrie Ten Boom

rock on.

The real thing

I love pictures like this! So real. So not perfect. So little kid. So 6 siblings. So Saipan. So JJ. The crooked smile, and crooked teeth...
I like how it looks like he's winking...=D

Good stuff

Trading yesterday for tomorrow


If I could change the currents of our lives
To make the river flow where it's run dry
To be a prodigal of father time
Then I would see you tonight

If I could find the years that went away
Destroying all the cruelty of fate
I must believe that love could find a way
Tonight

Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for love's sake
One day to be loved

If I could see beyond the here and now
If you could hear me calling you somehow
If I could know that love is reaching out
To find you with me tonight

Then hope could make these promises come true
Beyond what I could say, what love can do
With every moment leading me to you tonight

Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for love's sake
One day to be loved

I will stay forever here to wait for your love

If I could change the currents of our lives
To make the river flow where it's run dry
To be a prodigal of father time
Then I would see you tonight

Lonely finds me
One day you will come
But I'll wait for love's sake
One day to be loved

Black and White

The lie:: I was bored, and seriously craving, let's just say froot loops, so I destroyed all of my mothers most valuable possessions, because we all know that is the only way to get froot loops. I turned off my air-con just to make me more angry, and tore down all of the things on the walls of my room. After all of that, I didn't feel like hanging out with people, especially ones dressed in colors so opposite of my prized froot loops, because as jake reminds me daily, I am thoroughly depressed.

The truth:: it's 9:48. I am sitting at home in a stunning outfit I whipped up a couple of hours ago. tikla and skylar are at madison and maryana's black and white party. I guess mom is right, I need a little regrouping time. time to think about what my science project is going to be. My mom felt sorry for me (I'm guessing) because usually I'm not allowed on the computer, though this is a time where I'd rather be somewhere else. But really, I think the real reason I am here is because, they the parents, wanted to go out tonight, so they needed a baby-sitter. It may be a good thing though. It's been a while since I've read bedtimes stories to my siblings. Besides, deep down inside we all love 4 little (I say little, but the quality of their voice projection is amazing...) kids screaming and running laps around you while asking pointless questions, and chewing their dinner with their mouths open. They are quite the talented bunch. They happen to be related directly to me...;)



It's hard to believe that a mere fifteen years ago, you two looked more or less like this...Happy birthday madison and maryana! and many more.

Be still my heart

There are many things in life that are so magical and breathtaking, that you can't even describe them. meaningful smiles, friday after school, reading or writing something amazing, and one that surfaced in my memory recently, is the feeling of being under something while it's raining, like all the air is pulled out, and the only noise you hear is the rain drumming. It's like you're are all alone but at the same time protected...

Back to reality--

I'm not talking about rain anymore, so you can pay attention now. Even though I don't have much to say. :) well, it's 7:19pm. skylar made dinner tonight, and it smells REALLY good. Or maybe that's just because I just finished judo, so anything sounds good. I have so many projects due next week. I wish my teachers would assign them with earlier deadlines. they know we aren't going to start them until the last moment either way. Now I'm beginning to wonder what's worse, the school year ending and all of the finals and junk, or starting 9th grade next year. They are both gonna happen. I don't have much choice in the matter so I guess it doesn't matter which one is worse. I'm not used to normal school, not that it's harder, in fact at times it is easier, but it's still weird sitting at a desk, lugging home textbooks, being tardy...and the big projects I mentioned earlier. But I'm getting a hang of this "school thing." I really am! :D I would ask for pointers on the subject, but I'm thinking madison, taylor, and caroline, aren't much help there. ;) Just from what I've heard.
and seen. ;)

Well, the time of farewell is at hand. Parting with such sweet sorrow.
My spaghetti awaits!

PS I just figured out the spell check option. :) Pretty spiffy!

PPS Thought for the day: "Most people spend their whole life fighting to earn what eventually becomes their downfall." I just realized that this could be happening to me...;) I teach myself great things on here. hahaha...officially gone.